I took a much-needed break from all content creation 5 months ago. I got stuck in the toxic cycle of comparison and chasing some 'perfectionism' dreamland. I was in a downward spiral of self-doubt, burnout, and straight-up misery. I had a mental breakdown, ugly crying to Taking Back Sunday, Tell all your friends at 2 AM, wondering if I'd ever had anything valuable to say about money.
I was thinking I wasn’t good enough, and I was telling myself to be like them: people I’d never met whose goals were entirely different than mine. I was using them as a measurement of success.
We all do it.
We fall into this toxic cycle of comparing ourselves to everyone else and measuring ourselves against impossible standards. I hear it all the time from clients. ‘How did I do versus the market?’ ‘Could we get higher returns like I have seen online?’ ‘How are your other clients' returns?’
The problem is constant comparison. The feeling that you need to compete with everyone around you, rather than focusing on yourself.
Why Comparing Investment Returns Makes You Feel Terrible
When I started comparing myself, I was making decisions that went against who I am. I was making reactive and costly decisions about my social presence, which was making me less satisfied every day.
What I learned during my own spiral turns out to be backed by research: when investors are exposed to top performer data, they trade more often, take on higher risk, and feel less satisfied with perfectly decent returns.¹ It's like your brain gets hijacked by someone else's highlight reel.
Let me give you an example. You're sitting in the Tim Hortons drive-thru, scrolling through your phone while waiting for your double-double. You see a post about someone making 10% investment returns. You immediately check your own portfolio (which you probably shouldn't be doing while ordering coffee, but here we are).
Your 6% return suddenly feels like you’re skating on melting ice. You start thinking you need to do better, be like them. Before you know it, you're researching their strategy while your kid asks for the third snack in 20 minutes, feeling upset you ‘missed’ an opportunity that wasn't even meant for your situation. Next thing you know, you're changing your whole investment approach to align with what worked for someone else's completely different circumstances.
Sound familiar? Because that exact pattern destroys more portfolios than market crashes.
How Much Chasing Higher Returns Actually Costs You
The reality is someone will always do better than you. Changing who I was to get some LinkedIn ‘guru’s’ results wasn’t the answer. And whether you think you're ahead or behind in the comparison game, it can distort your decisions either way.²
Let's be real here. You’re not going to become a top-performing investor overnight. You don't have endless hours to research investment choices. So don’t make the mistake of basing your financial decisions on whatever you can Google during lunch breaks just because someone else is talking about their double-digit returns.
Consider the financial costs: trading fees every time you switch strategies, taxes on gains you didn't plan for, and missed compounding returns from jumping in and out of investments. You're paying fees to feel worse about money. How's that for irony?
It’s not just the numbers, either. There are psychological costs to the comparison trap too. The stress of always feeling like you’ve got to keep up. The sleepless nights thinking you're not good enough. The constant second-guessing whether you're doing everything wrong. (And if you're anything like me, questioning whether you should ditch the Converse and start wearing dress shoes like a ‘real’ professional.)
The truth is we can't be the best at everything, nor should we be. I can't be a famous content creator while raising kids, running a business, and trying to see as many concerts as possible. (Trust me, I tried. Hence the breakdown.) You can't be a top-level investor while actually living your life.
How to Stop Comparing Your Portfolio to Everyone Else's
If your first thought is ‘What are other people doing better?’ it’s time to shift gears and ask, 'What do I need to be happy and reach my goals?'
Define what that means for you and understand what you need to achieve it. Not what sounds impressive when your brother-in-law asks about your portfolio, but what would genuinely make you comfortable.
When you're unclear about how to reach that $1.5M retirement goal you’ve set, for instance, you're going to look for shortcuts. But when you break it down ('I can reach $1.5M by investing $500 a month over the next 30 years with an average 8% return'), suddenly you have a plan that makes sense. When you hit those 8% returns, seeing someone else brag about their 12% year doesn't ruin your day because you know you're on track for what you need.
Here's what you can do today: Stop checking your portfolio every time you see someone post about their investment wins. Seriously. Set a schedule, whether it’s once a month or once a quarter, and stick to it. Your investments don't need daily supervision any more than your garden needs you to dig up the seeds every morning to check if they're growing.
Second, understand why your strategy is right for you. The best plans (meaning the ones people actually stick to) have a method to them. Think about your mental stability when markets get choppy. Think about where you are financially. If you're still building your emergency fund, taking on more risk right now isn't smart, even if someone else is bragging about their aggressive crypto strategy.
You need to define the benchmark yourself. Otherwise, you're letting strangers on the internet set it for you. Writing this article makes me realize how much I allowed others to define my success. Don't make the same mistake with your money.
Why Your Investment Strategy Should Fit Your Actual Life
Look, when your investment approach doesn't fit who you are, it shows. That's the foundation of my whole practice. Prick-free financial advice means that making money and building a strong financial future shouldn't feel like getting punched in the gut every time you check your balance.
The thing is, you'll still see those posts about double-digit returns. Social media isn't going anywhere, and neither are those neighbors who somehow always seem to be doing better than you. (Spoiler: they're probably comparing themselves to someone else too.)
The key is building a financial plan that works for your actual life, not some #success version of it. When you know your strategy is solid and designed for your specific goals, other people's returns fade into the background. You know they're there, but they don't change what you're focused on.
Want money advice that doesn't make you feel like you're back in high school math class? I send out a weekly email with practical insights on how you can make your money work for your life – without the comparison-inducing success stories both of us have seen enough of.
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Sources:
¹ Gärling, T., Fang, D., Holmen, M., & Michaelsen, P. (2021).’ Financial risk-taking related to individual risk preference, social comparison and competition.’ Review of Behavioral Finance.
² Ahmed, Z., Rasool, S., Saleem, Q., Khan, M. A., & Kanwal, S. (2022). ‘Mediating Role of Risk Perception Between Behavioral Biases and Investor's Investment Decisions.’ SAGE Journals.
